Sunday, June 21, 2009

drat,too bad!

Nothing ended up happening today.




Libraries were closed for a non-existant holiday. I'm anxiously awaiting day 1 of Barnes and Noble, I'm going to pay over 10 dollars for a movie tonight, and I'll admit it.......I'm feeling a little socially STIFF today, like it's harder today than it is other days. A little bit like loneliness. It's not a big deal, I just don't think I got enough sun. AND I met another creep named Homeless Gary who (drat!) i gave my number too. He made me uncomfortable, and I don't like that it's been two consecutive days of my inevitable sexualization.
At least I know that, according to Gary, I'm the "perfect kind of short". To sleep with. Cause he can lift girls like me up. Not that he has yet. I know; he told me.
Ugh!
I didn't get SHIT done!

But with some relief, the day is ending, and I can yell.....

WHAT A WASTE!

Fresh Meat Festival


I biked San Francisco, I did it! at midnight, too! I saw a show, by myself, fell in love, was crushed, texted Mikey my sad story, and took the train home. I'm exhausted with it all. It was an unbelievable show.



I can't believe no one was worried about me, HA! Just goes to show how much confidence i instill in people when I tell them I'm going to bike down streets of warehouse to see a transgender/queer performance festival in another warehouse in the city.


Fust FYI, people, it was awesome and epic. And I only ran into, hmm, let's see, ONE crazy pervert, who was obviously very lonely. And ONE astonishingly outgoing young man.
One insisted on riding the train with me TO san francisco, and the other rode with me BACK....

was it something i was WEARING?
Karen, I think I look mature in my new clothes! More than one person today assumed I was a PhD student, or some sort of academic professional HA!


aieee. I made so many new friends. I hope only some of them contact me again. Unfortunately, I give out my number like it's charity. Damn.



Olivia

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Just survived Girl Talk!

Have you thought about your gender today? I thought about mine today. I thought about the gender-binary; boy, girl. I thought about being gender-FUCKED.
How some girls I know could beat up some boys I know.
How some boys I know are better at dressing than some girls I know.

We're all a gender-fuck, huzzah! and I feel inspired and horrified! I JUST got back, via the most terrifying, darkest and longest cold sweat of a frantic bike ride from two towns over back to my house, in the woods, to write this to you all....
Before that, it was a SPRINT to catch MUNI line before CALTRAIN back out of San Francisco.

The spoken word performance I saw ran long. And BOY did it blow my mind. Do you know what spoken word is? Sometimes called def poetry, sometimes called slam poetry. Here, this is one of my favorite poets, Suheir Hammad. She's a lebanese-american, talking about 9/11 and DAMN the words she speaks are smarter than ANYTHING you heard on the news.

Well, tonight was all a part of the NATIONAL QUEER ARTS FESTIVAL 2009. Today's spoken word pieces were all about building community between queer trans women and the queer community.
So, dykes that tell a trans person that went from man to woman that they will NEVER belong, are RUDE. just like the immigration police. Or jim crow. Well. You should check out one blog in particular, from one of the performers. She had me weezy and terribly, terribly sad. I'll post it tomorrow!

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

What a day, what a life!




I always wish to make my blog more like a HOME for my friends and family. It's SAD that it's not a physical space that you, reader, can walk into, and thus be installed both physically and emotionally in this space between my eyes on the screen and my fingers, click, tap, rapping away.
But, at the very least, I can provide the option of some background music. So that you can hear what it is that is going on behind my brain as I think and write. Feel free to allow this to play, and read my script! Or, ha. You can watch the video. Consider it a tutorial on "jerkin"--I can't help but feel like it's a California thing.


why you trippin i ain't even do a thang


I had an idea last night to call Alana and Erica, my two favorite alesbians, because as I remember, they go into San Francisco to casually wine and dine on Wednesdays, to meet with some other couch-surfers. And this is pride month, people! (And in San Francisco, every minute seems like a pride month) So I checked the San Francisco PRIDE website, and found out that tonight, there's a spoken word show about trans/non-trans women, a short-film SHOWING in a theatre called The Garage and other recklessly exciting and dangerous things.
And as I learn more and more everyday.....It's my life! And I'm going! So, instead of texting Alana to see if she'd let me accompany her to the city this evening. I invited her to join ME at a spoken word concert!! (Jessica Lovins, this is why you need to be AQUI!)My friend, Jess, performs her own poetry in Charleston, SC. She's PRETTY cool and daring.
[Oh. And add this to my list, stenographer of my life. There are two SKILLS that I once upon a time drunkenly concluded that I simply needed to master if I ever expected to be a role model of gender androgyny. One, I need to be able to fight well. I'm sorry to everyone who saw the movie, but Lara Croft will not be matched by ANY man, which by all constructs of the gender role regime, is strictly forbidden. Another good example, Caroline Benzel: Aikido Master. Another example of a woman individual who has taken her defense and offense into her own (hyah-hyah!) Hands! Of course, in the example of Lara Croft, a man can, in fact, master her in the ways of LOVE--isn't that how all action movies with female heroes happen--but I really think that this is just a....a ramification! A ramification of a popular American narrative structure! So, I will not be derailed! (Caroline creates her own narrative structure, may I add. So anyone mastering her will be always completely unpredicted.) The SECOND skill, is of course, breakdancing. Enough said, I think. We women will never be true to our skins until we can all fight, and breakdance. And now a third; perform spoken word. We got to get COCKY wid it]


Got your girl on my swagg she lovin them jerkin songs
Like the new ipod just touch it and turn her on


Before I'm leavin to the city, I think I'll have to go buy pants. For work! I got the job at Barnes and Noble, and my interview at Peet's Coffee ended with me and the two managers moaning about the OLDEN days of QUALITY coffee. Hah! I think I'm in!

Yur a jerk! (I know)
Yur a jerk! (I know)




Lots to get done, gotta get outta here!



Olivia

Sunday, June 14, 2009

President AhmaDOOMnejad



You know what's important to think about today? President Ahmadinejad's reelection. That's Ahh-mah-din-eh-jjad.


Just a few months ago, I was running against Ahmadinejad in Iran's presidential election. While candidates all around me were being assasinated and accused of childhood vandalism, murder, sex with white prostitutes, etc, my record remained spotless. I ran under the platform "Vote Mohammad. Jahromi; Your Homie."

It caused much duress when I decided to step out of the race. It was clear to me, even then that Ahmadinejad would be beating Mousavi later that weekend, although we spent the duration of the Iranian Expediency Council's committee time BITCHING about how Ahmadinejad was being nailed RED HANDED for screwing up employment cycles in Iran.

Needless to say, me and the majority of the Expediency Council was assassinated with plastic guns a few hours later ANYWAY.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009


My sister bestowed something remarkably like wisdom the other day; she tried canvassing too.
Ok. Let me just clarify really quickly what canvassing IS, since I'm throwing the term around like poop on a Sunday. Let's ask Wikipedia to help us, shall we?

Canvassing is the systematic initiation of direct contact with a target group of individuals commonly used during political campaigns. A campaign team (and during elections a candidate) will knock on doors of private residences within a particular geographic area, engaging in face-to-face personal interaction with voters. Canvassing may also be performed by telephone, where it is referred to as telephone canvassing. The main purpose of canvassing is to perform voter identification - how individuals are planning to vote - rather than to argue with or persuade voters.[1] This preparation is an integral part of a 'get out the vote' operation, in which known supporters are contacted on polling day and reminded to cast their ballot.

Similar techniques may be used by non-governmental organizations, labor unions, religious denominations such as the Jehovah's Witnesses, poll takers, and even commercial enterprises such as door-to-door salespeople.


Delightful! Thank you, Wikipedia! Oh there's something else you'd like to add?


While converting voters would ideally be a central goal, it is difficult, requiring knowledgeable and charismatic canvassers, and time-consuming. To reach every voter in a district a canvasser cannot spend more than one or two minutes per person, rarely enough time to have a significant discussion. Persuasion canvassing will often involve the dropping of literature and campaign marketing materials like lawn signs, window signs, and bumper stickers (given to supporters). As canvassers work a population they will often make careful notes and use classification codes to record their interaction with the public.


This job is hard, may I add, when you're spending a minute or two on each person, hoping to get donations from people on the spot. By credit card. When you're NOT going door to door, but asking people to stop on the way to their lunch during their break from work, to donate.

OK. Let's go ahead and cut to the conversation with my sister. She proselytizes that you've got to live and work in a city, deal with its citizens, be its citizens. That's when you are going to build the new schools together. That's when you talk details about healthcare, referencing the same neighbors, calling the same doctors.

Canvassing, for me, felt like U.S. intervention in postcolonial worlds, looking bright-faced and dewey-eyed and being guilty, guilty, guilty of quick-fix fanaticism.
Get out of Haiti, U.S. You've done enough. Let people function.

(And Mom. Stop calling me. You're not helping.) Parents are a bit like dewey-eyed, overbearing political entities like the United States' international policy, themselves!




BUT GUESS WHAT! Amanda, my new bff from work took me to San Francisco on Sunday! We went to Castro Street, which is gay. Haight Street, which is dope. And LOMBARD STREET which is the crookedest street in the WORLD! Look!

We walked in the Bay itself, I bought Lori a really pretty bracelet




After that, we walked through the little streets on the Fisherman's Wharf, stopped to eat a grand meal of CRAB and sourdough garlic bread--which makes for an interesting fact! Amanda says that there's so much sourdough in the Bay Area, because there's so much fog! It encourages the sour dough bacteria creatures to grow!

It was a great day!



And you know what I just found out...San Francisco Pride is in a little less than two weeks! It's going to be GAY!!!

Interviewed with Barnes and Noble today, obviously left a good impression. (I'm a barista and an ex-librarian. They want this.)

All my love to everyone! I have a big paper to write about the oral traditions of West Africa. PAYCE!

Saturday, June 6, 2009

I think my most current state of affairs can be described from the bird's-eye-view of my bed. --my bright green and orange Nepali bag is sprawled out, filled with new books from the library, a folder with wrinkled job applications, two half-filled squashed looking bottles of water. Beside it lies my panda blanket from the eons of elementary school, two opened books, with doggeared pages marking significant SOMETHINGS, caltrain schedule piled on light rail schedule piled on bus 35 shedule, piled on the 390 bus schedule. A used book I just bought about a robot programmed with the themes and texts of the literary canon. DVD's; En La Ciudad, Howl's Moving Casle, Huanité. My journal from guatemala.
Tissues. Discarded sweatshirts. And me, the sprawling and less than glorious me.
My toes keep kitting cold, dirty plates somewhere upwind of me, near the pillows.
This is ALWAYS how I keep my room! Things gradually find permanent residence in the same spots I'm wont to lie down. So I sleep at night, contorted and bent around the landmarks of my experiences....


Until I organize my bed or my mind, I will forever be





Olivia!

Friday, June 5, 2009

Well, at least the BIKE LANES come in handy.

Lots of updates.
Friday, I showed up for my first day at my canvassing job at Environment California. We had to have something called a "street rap" memorized. It sounded something like--
"Excuse me! (yelled across a sidewalk) Do you have a minute for clean energy? (Guilty, shamefaced person slowly approaches) Great! Hi, I'm Olivia and I'm with (name your benevolent organization) and we're out here today signing up new MEMBERS (which they'll find out in approx 15 seconds that it translates to "we're trying to get your credit card info") so I'm really glad you stopped! We're working to build a Clean Energy Economy (You see how we've pieced together purposeful sounding words. We've also used a word that people with money will emotionally engage in. Mmmm. Economy.) (Now get ready for some key name dropping and political affiliation) PRESIDENT OBAMA shares our vision and his ECONOMIC PLAN will put millions of AMERICANS to work....

--SKIP TO--

...The best way to support our efforts right now is by signing up to be a member (countdown...3.....2.....1!)
"Members make small monthly contributions with credit card or checking account!!!!" WAAAHOOOOOOOO

Needless to say; people do not enjoy being stopped outside their favorite grocery store to politely listen to a canned speech that ends in a plea for the 16 magical numbers on the front of their credit cards.

I found the act crude, especially when I ended up phoning a friend TWICE on my third day to make quota. So I'd keep my job. For another two days.

So, day 4, I quit. That's right. The internship that legitimized my move to California is over.
Those "material critiques" I was struggling to figure out about this sort of "grassroots activism"? Yeah, found em.

I feel jaded and wise; This is no way to make a difference.
We are instructed to make sure not to spend too much time talking about the issues with anyone. And we are supposed to "Have a good day!" anyone who doesn't agree with our stance on energy efficiency immediately. Why? Cause they're not going to give money. I'm not sure if "mobilizing the grassroots support" means finding the several individuals in a community that will throw a twenty at a few vacationing college twerps with matching tshirts.

So, for now, my adventure is drastically rerouted. I'm still in California, my friends are still spread out like cream cheese on our slice-of-toast earth. Juliana is in HIGH SCHOOL as of a few hours ago. Lori is still in Asia, wut! Maggie is most assuredly watching the real housewives of new jersey.
I'm considering what my options are, living in my mansion with two old men, just south of San Francisco.
Step one, let's check out Greenpeace; I'm here for an indiscriminate 2 months. I may as well not know what to expect! Greenpeace, just so everyone knows, is the same sort of organization as Environment California, which I left, except more social issues and more training.
I've applied to Borders and Peets Coffee. I wonder what this summer will bring!